do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
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Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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