Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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