i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So here I am, sexting at work.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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