He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize