Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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