I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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