Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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