y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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