what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize