Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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