my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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