I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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