but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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