Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
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Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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