were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You smell like stripper and shame
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize