I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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