My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How does one acquire holy water?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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