Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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