Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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