All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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