We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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