i don't like sucking hair
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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