I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
me + whiskey = a bad person
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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