she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize