I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize