we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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