I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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