But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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