we have officially lost it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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