It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
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at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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