But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize