I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize