At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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