somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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