Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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