Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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