Who wears a wallet chain?!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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