im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize