I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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