So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize