three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
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I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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