I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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