It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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