I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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