I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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