my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize