Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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