The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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