I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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