I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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